Everybody loves a Spartan Race, right!?
It's true that the races are overpriced and also full of Venti-Drinkers with too much money on their hands; throwing away their newly purchased $120 shoes at the end of the race because they don't dare place their muddy foot warmers in their brand new Prius, sure.... But what about the Spartan Online Store?
The Spartan Online Store offers great looking Spartan Race merchandise for, well, not the cheapest prices, but the pictures look good! Right? If the Spartan Race owner Joe De Sena attends a race (Which he is known to do often!), he is always sporting Spartan Store merchandise... and if you'll notice... it ALWAYS looks brand new! You may think to yourself, hmmmm this is high quality stuff hmmm maybe that $60 hoodie was worth it, especially if Spartan God and multi-millionaire Joe De Sena is wearing it! Unfortunately, your assumption would be incorrect (Well based on my friends $300 online store purchase).
Joe De Sena
My friend (The $300 one lol) is very deluded you might say, great for the US military - he would make a fine general! but no so much for getting caught this Spartan lifestyle.... Not so much the traditional Spartan lifestyle of minimal clothing, fighting wild beasts and eating very little... but, the more modern Spartan lifestyle of giving all of your money to Joe De Sena in exchange for an AROO here and there. Sorry getting carried away here, back to my point....
You will notice the Spartan Online store offers little descriptions about their items. This is for a very good reason! They DO NOT list materials used to make their clothing, materials used to make their 'swag', nor do they list fitting information. They do not have hardly any Web 2.0 content at all in fact! I.e. No user reviews (Of course, i'm sure they would all be bad!), no comments, no discussion and the list goes on...
Here are some approved purchases my friend made:
Men's Spartan Race Hoodie:
https://shop.spartan.com/collections/mens-hoodies-jackets-1/products/spartan-bold-helmet-logo-hoodie-men-s
"SPARTAN Bold Helmet Logo Hoodie - Men's"
What the website SHOULD say about this item is:
"Made in Pakistani by young children. Designs look great out of the package, but never wash. If you do decide to wash, even at 30 degrees, your logo will turn PINK. This won't be very Spartan at all!"
Spartan Paracord Bracelet:
https://shop.spartan.com/collections/spartan-swag/products/spartan-race-sprint-para-cord-bracelet
"550 heavy duty paracord bracelet. Adjustable up to 9.25 inches."
What the website SHOULD say about this item is:
"Made of copper, may cause allergic reactions. Copper is painted silver, which may come off within 2 weeks or sooner. May turn wrist green. Bolt on the paracord bracelet may dig into wrist and hurt like hell. Adjustable from 9-9.25 inches. Only fits fat man wrists on it's smallest setting"
I contacted Spartan Race on Facebook about this. They didn't offer any apology, but passed me on to somebody else at the Spartan Store. They seemed to be more concerned about ending all of their messages with AROO rather then actually helping or, yet, even sympathizing with my woes. To be honest, I'm sure it's a run-of-the mill operation for them. ("Another person not happy about the merchandise in the Spartan Store!"... "Again!? I'm getting bored of this!")
I contacted the Spartan Store but I've yet to receive a response. The website suggests I direct everything to shop@spartan.com. I'm sure 50 billion other people are directing their multitude of questions to this one email also. So without departmentalizing their support system, this is probably why I haven't had a response in FOUR WEEKS. I do recall getting a quick response when I queried the stock levels of an item prior to this though... Strange eh!
Anyway, if you are thinking about buying ANYTHING, literally, ANYTHING from the Spartan Online Store, DON'T! You will get a better product from Jim Wong who lives in Hong Kong; selling knock-off Spartan Race T-Shirts from his bedroom on eBay. He only charges $5.95 too! That's a $24 dollar discount before you even think about shipping!
If you have had similar experiences, leave a comment here! Share your experiences with us all so we can create a crying circle and wipe each others tears while thinking about how much money Joe De Sena made from us all.
If this post has swayed even ONE person from avoiding the Spartan Online Store, my deed is done and I can sleep peacefully tonight! :)
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